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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Smooth Music

"The Makers of Smooth Music" is a compliation CD of songs recorded in the 60's and 70's by companies who, for a fee, put your lyrics (no matter how awful) to music, with a live band!

I'll transcribe the lyrics to a few of these songs here, for your amusement.

Richard Nixon
    God, in his infinite wisdom
    Put Richard Nixon on this earth
    To bring to us his heritage
    One of priceless worth

    A courageous leader
    And a blessed man
    Surely in God's plan

    His heritage is from Heaven
    And the magic from above
    The rapture of music and melody
    Of culture and of love

    Yes, God, in his infinite wisdom
    Put Richard Nixon on this earth
    To bring to us his heritage
    One of priceless worth

    A leader with endless courage
    A miracle you might say
    And all who have met Nixon love him so
    The genius of his way

    God, in his infinite wisdom
    Put Richard Nixon on this earth
    To bring to us his heritage
    One of priceless worth


Jimmy Carter
    Can our government
    Be competent
    Jimmy Carter says Yes
    Jimmy Carter says Yes

    Can our government
    Be honest
    Jimmy Carter says Yes
    Jimmy Carter says Yes

    Can our government
    Be decent and open
    As the 39th President, he has spoken
    Jimmy Carter says Yes

      [spoken]
      As your President, I, Jimmy Carter
      Know it is possible to run a government efficiently
      With out sin or any corruption
      I will do my level best
      To run the government decently without any statement of eruption
      Errors and wrongdoings I will reveal to the public
      For corruption whie I'm in office I will not barter
      I'll stand tall like Old Glory, faithful to the Republic
      Security will prevail as sure as I'm the President
      President Jimmy Carter


    Jimmy, Jimmy Carter
    Our 39th President
    Jimmy, Jimmy Carter
    Our 39th President
    ...


John F Kennedy

    On that very sad day John F Kennedy was called away
    We didn't know he was leaving Washington to stay
    And now he is gone
    And all we can do is sing these songs
    He had no fears
    Even though many people have shed tears
    And when John F Kennedy was called to rest
    I know that he did his best
    He tried so hard
    To give each and every one a start
    He tried to make the rich man see
    If it wasn't for the poor man, how could we eat?
    In Dallas out in the street
    Someone wanted to see him defeated
    He saw that there really was no use
    Because there's nothing anyone wanted to do.


Of the 25 or so songs on the CD, only these three are about US presidents. The rest are about groovy things like vans, roller-disco, drums, dancing, astronauts, gettin it on, etc.. Each song is crazier than the last; and all are so bad as to leave you slack-jawed: how could someone write those words? How desperate for work must those musicians have been to put any effort at all into trying to make those words sound good ? When the author got the record back, did they realize how stupid those words really were, or did they shop the record around, trying to get radio play ? So many questions. Most of them are amusing in some way, or at least grotesque enough to keep me listening, but one or two are actually so bad I can't find anything redeeming about them at all.

As amusing as they can be, though, it's tough to sit through all 25 of them at once. But having one pop up now and then on the ol' iPod shuffle is good for a chuckle now and then.

All images Copyright 2004-2005, cleek.