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Friday, September 16, 2005

Record Reviews

...from Something Awful! This time, System Of A Down:
    They have all the rhyming skills of a middle-aged schoolteacher from Nebraska trying to show his students he's "with it" by busting out a funky-fresh rap. Oh, but they said "cock," so I guess they're as edgy as a giggling fourth grader. I don't know who's stupider, someone who writes those lyrics, or someone who listens to them and says "this is great!." Wait, yes I do, it's the person who listens to them. Those lyrics have gone far beyond the point of being justifiable with a claim that they're tongue-in-cheek. They're not tongue-in-cheek, they're finger-in-nose. Period. And did I already tell you that you're stupid if you like them? Okay, I guess I did.

Ahh... I love it.

Here's another good bit:
    To add injury to insult, the vocal duties on Mezmerize are shared between irritating but capable singer Serj Tankian and irritating but extremely incapable whiner/screamer Daron Malakian. Malakian taking over more vocal duties speaks not of intra-band conflict, but of a disgusting lack of intra-band conflict. Why won’t anyone tell the guy he can’t sing? They need to sit him down and say “sorry, you sound like a twelve-year-old diabetic with bad insulin regulation. Sit this one out and let the singer sing or we’re going to be even shittier than we were before, if that’s even possible.”

And, as all the cool kids already know, there's more if you click the link...

Also from Something Awful: if you are a serious Harry Potter fan, or are at work, or have little kids nearby, or know what "Harry/Snape slash fiction" means and don't want to see it, or are the kind of person who likes to shoot messengers, don't look at this. If you looked anyway, shame on you.

(wondering, is there an Edward Gorey and Something Awful connection ?)

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