Rock critics

When you're in the mood to hear how all your favorite bands suck, would you rather hear it like this:

• Albini, Steve. Self-consciously difficult ...
  
• Alt.country. Self-righteous rock-country ...
  
• Axe. .Imbecilic term ...
  
• Axelrod, David.. Snob-exhumed purveyor ...
  
• Bacharach, Burt.. Rehabilitated songwriter ...
  
• Bambaataa, Afrika.. Zulu-centric OLD-SCHOOL Bronx DJ ...
  
• Big Star.. Anglophilic early-’70s American combo ...
  
• Bingenheimer, Rodney.. Gnomish L.A. scenester...
  
• etc...
  

Or like this:

• Enya reminds me of the feeling of pissing in your pants. Its all warm and nice, but at the same time it's fucking disgusting on so many levels.
  
• If you're a fan of getting into fat girls' pants, Dave Matthews Band CDs are the greatest invention since a ham on a fishing pole.
  
• (Bjork) I don't even think she's a human. People (99% girls, the occasional effeminate man) like to insist that she's cute, but if you ask me she's s freaky little elf who should be dissected in some government laboratory.
  
• Cocteau Twins: writing lyrics is easier when you just fucking make up words, huh? Oh and writing music is a LOT easier when all of your songs sound exactly fucking the same. This band had it made, they could just sit back and relax. Too bad nobody liked them, or their plan would have been perfect.
  

?

I prefer the latter.