More Scientologist Evolution

Yesterday's Scientology exploration was interesting. But I want to know more! So, let's go right to the source: L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology:

It is fairly well accepted in these times that life in all forms evolved from the basic building blocks, the virus and the cell. Its only relevance to dianetics is that such a proposition works — and actually that is all we ask of dianetics. There is no point to writing here a past tome on biology and evolution. We can add some chapters to those things, but Charles Darwin did his job well, and the fundamental principles of evolution can be found in his and other works.

L. Ron. Hubbard, from his book, Dianetics

OK, not bad. But, that was early in his career. He changes his tune later on:

The effort to explain life in terms of orgainisms adjusting to their environment leads to hopeless confusion. But when it is assumed that the orgainism is adjusting the environment to it, everything falls into place with great ease.

-- Quotations from L. Ron Hubbard on the matter of Evolution

Err... Yeah, and if we all shut our eyes tight and click our heels together at the same time, we'll all meet in Kansas. But, there's more! Here's Hubbard again:

Evolution: there's no such thing. Bodies don't evolve. They deteriorate, but they don't evolve. You can trace all kinds of reasons how they evolve, and why they evolve, and you can figure it all out, but the truth of the matter is when you get horses on a planet, somebody came along and mocked up some horses! Now, they also mocked up these horses with the capability of growing hair or not growing hair. You've got adjustment factors, but not evolution factors. So you confuse the adjustment factors and prove the whole theory of evolution. And now you know man came from mud, and you can write a book like Pavlov and get the whole world poisoned. You see how this one goes?

All of this is based on what? It's based on errors in time. Errors in time. Because an individual has this incident: It's a wrong time, wrong place, going wrong the whole way, and it took up two hours and actually looks like it takes up seven million, see? There are such incidents.

The boy done lost his shit.

Much of that is quoted here, on an interesting page that traces Hubbard's evolving view of evolution and the origins of Man, and includes some of his writings on the CLAM and the SLOTH and the current state of Scientology's view of evolution. Spolier: Scientology is Fucked Up.

I guess that puts Scientology firmly in the category of things you'll want to throw in the face of any Intelligent Design advocate who thinks we need to teach children alternative ways of explaining the origins of man. "Here's an alternative. Let's teach them about the CLAMS and the BIRDS:"

"Occasionally the creatures of the beach, still shell animals, had their troubles with birds which had become so earlier [sic]. Birds of a very crude construction developed a taste for clams. Clams had no adequate defence against them. If a clam opened its shell, the bird would thrust in a beak or a claw. If the clam then closed, the bird would fly up into the air. The clam would let go, drop on a rock and become bird food. If the clam didn't close, it became bird food anyway.

Falling sensations, indecision and other troubles go with the BIRDS."
-- LRH