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Friday, October 08, 2004


Scot from Izzle pfaff! shares the highlights from last week's debate (which he didn't watch):

    Lehrer: Mr. President, you've maintained that the war in Iraq was justified for reasons having to do with--

    Bush: [makes human beatbox noises while inexpertly poppin' and lockin']

    Lehrer: Mr. President?

    Bush: Shut up a second. I'm courtin' black votes as we speak.

    Lehrer: This is not what--

    Bush: [blinks eyes rapidly] Goddamn if that Grandmaster Flash doesn't give me the fuckin' twirls! I gotta play this for Dick. He'll shit his livin' heart!

    [Kerry looks despondent for a moment, and then attempts to flash a Crip sign, but hurts his back. As he writhes for a moment, Bush mouths the word "fag" to the camera while pointing at the incapacitated Kerry.]

And, of course...

    Lehrer: Finally, gentlemen, could we have your final statements?

    Bush: I'm a scion of one of America's most fabulously corrupt families. If you don't vote for me, we'll track your ass down and stick funny needles in you until you piss fear. Don't fuck with me. Thank you, and God bless America.

    Kerry: I married some lunatic Portuguese ketchup broad, which, honestly, still cracks me up. But to get the the heart of the matter, here is what counts:

    [Kerry abrupbtly moves from behind his podium and casually unzips his pants to reveal an astounding set of testicles, which resemble two golf balls contained in a loose sack of dull, gray fur.]

    Bush: [Off camera] Hey, no fair!

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