Cleek has moved to
Update your treasure maps accordingly.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Another Dadgum Stinking Human

My wife's reading A Confederacy of Dunces and I'm reading Memoir From Antproof Case. Both books feature cranky, anti-social, somewhat eccentric (ahem) protagonists who never tire of making hillariously over-the-top and stinging criticisms of people around them and humanity in general.

Well, thanks to the little "visitors in the last 24 hours" stuff at the bottom of this page, I just happened upon Another Dadgum Stinking Blog, and I found a post entitled "Please Get Your Huge Butt Out Of My Face" . Here's an excerpt:

    Today's lunch was yet another case in point. The selection of humans that sat at this table was a group of loud-mouthed females, cackling and carrying on like a pack of hens. One reeked of perfume and one had a persistent cough - and one couldn't decide if she wanted to sit or stand. This female human was, of course, sitting (or, supposed to be sitting) in the chair closest to me. This meant that every time she stood up, her massive buttocks were just a couple dozen inches from my face and my food.

    How can a person be expected to eat with such flagrant displacement of one's personal space? Anything could have happened while she stood there, portly cheeks facing my head. Anything! The Lord in Heaven only knows where her butt has been all day, when is was last lathered-up, and how badly it needs some Bactine or other medicinal disinfectant. And come on: a couple of layers of clothing (Lord, please let there have been at least two layers) is no protection for non-solid emissions, we all know that.

Which is not to say Maury (who wrote the above passage and whom I don't know but am sure is a fine person) is personally in any way like the ridiculous Ignatius Reilly or the nameless coffee-phobic narrator of Memoir..., only that the passage above wouldn't be out of place in either book (both of which you should run out and buy, this very instant!).

All images Copyright 2004-2005, cleek.